Cut me? I bleed coffee (No, I don’t know what monkey pee tastes like, just work with me here.)
We are serious coffee drinkers in this house. We buy green beans via the Internet, roasting them in this space-age looking contraption that sits on my kitchen counter, filling the house with an unmistakable smell that says, “Coffee lovers snobs live here.”
I grew up on English breakfast tea with milk and sugar. My siblings and I had tea contests - I’m not kidding! How geeky were we? One of the last times we had a competition, when we hadn’t left home for universities yet, it turned into a serious battle for the title of Ultimate Tea Maker. Oh, the seriousness! Oh, the drama! Russia vs. United States. My brother doctored his mug on one side of the room, my sister took hers to her own spot, to prevent spying or cheating. Me - judge and jury. The winner gloated, the loser sulked. That’s power, baby.
Needless to say, we loved our tea. Mom and Dad drank coffee, but never offered us any and we never asked. Somewhere along the way of my formative years, I decided coffee wasn’t for me.
So, by the time I met Doc, I was still a loyal tea drinker with no interest in coffee. He would offer me a cup and each time I turned it down. Time passed. We spent more time together. My buddy Doc started looking less like a chum and more like a… yummy piece of pie. And what do you have with pie? Coffee, naturally.
I’m making coffee. Want some?
Sure.
From that first sip, my loyalties were to coffee. Maybe my willingness to abandon tea had something to do with new love. Doc loved coffee. I loved Doc. Therefore, I should love coffee too. A subconscious decision to leave behind my love of tea, trade it for a more mature, mysterious drink because I wanted to let go of the past? Perhaps. Or am I over-thinking too much?
Yeah, thought so.
I still drink tea, but only occasionally. Coffee is my first choice; and not just any coffee, mind you. Not that monkey pee, that black, inky nonsense they try to pass off as coffee at the Little White Chapel on the Hill. It’s sinful what they do to coffee at my church.
Hey, maybe that could be my new ministry! Official Coffee Critic or Coffee Perfecter Person. The idea has merit, don’t you think? How can we expect to attract new members if we can’t serve a decent cup of coffee? (Pastor, you lurking out there? We can talk Sunday, okay?)
Coffee must be freshly brewed for it to taste descent. You can’t let it sit there in the pot cooking for hours; that’s a recipe for mud. If you are truly dedicated, then go with fresh roasted beans. Newly roasted beans are far superior to the powder you buy in the market. Even Starbuck’s whole beans are stale by the time you get it home. Try roasting your own coffee beans, you can even do it right on your stove top with a frying pan.
When I first started with coffee, I took sugar and cream or milk. Now I use light cream and some sort of fake sugar, like Splenda, that is probably bad for me. I’ve tried black, like my Dad drinks it, but I’m not there yet. If you drink your coffee black, you have my utmost respect. I’m jealous of your taste buds.
Look at me: the Coffee Evangelist. Gee whiz, I need to get a life.
Now tell me about you - are you a coffee snob like me? Or do you prefer tea? Anyone feel that I’m in need of a coffee intervention and you’re going to start praying for my deliverance? Should I tell you Doc brings me my first morning cup while I’m still snuggling in bed? That’s power, baby.
Image HTs: Writer-Mommy and A Different Street
Tags: coffee, me, more than you need to know, the husband
10.27.08 at 8:36 am
Gretchen comments:
LOL! Well, I don’t think I’m as much of a coffee snob as you are but I do love me some coffee!
Gretchens last blog post..The things we get excited about…
10.27.08 at 8:55 am
Heather comments:
Coffee every morning. Tea every afternoon. I don’t roast my own beans. I’ve considered it, but I’m not sure I’m ready to commit yet b/c of time.
And I agree–church’s butcher God’s beautiful creation every Sunday morning inside those coffeepots.
Oh, I have a drop of honey and a little cream in my coffee (and the same for my tea, as long as I’m drinking English tea, although sometimes I use sugar–when I drink Green tea, which is my summer tea, I drink it either plain or with a drop of honey).
Local honey to ward of allergies.
Heathers last blog post..Book Thoughts–Coffeehouse Theology by Ed Cyzewski
10.27.08 at 9:02 am
Monica Brand comments:
Look at that, Heather! We share a common bloggy brain today. I think I have that book in my wishlist.
10.27.08 at 9:40 am
Shannon comments:
Wow, I’m so jealous that you get coffee in BED.
Shannons last blog post..Palin Rap on SNL
10.27.08 at 12:22 pm
Satchel Pooch comments:
Tea at home (I would have *loved* to help judge your siblings’ tea contest!). Mostly coffee out, as even if it’s monkey pee (LOL!), it’s bound to be better than a Lipton’s tea bag dunked in a carafe of lukewarm bathwater. Whatever, so long as it’s hot and full of that magical caffeiney goodness!
Satchel Poochs last blog post..Fret fret fret
10.27.08 at 12:37 pm
Monica Brand comments:
Satchel, you poor dear. Suffering with lukewarm tea. The inhumanity!
I’ve seen folks try to make tea in a MICROWAVE. Scary. My British grandfather would be horrified to witness such a thing.
10.27.08 at 1:31 pm
Robin ~ PENSIEVE comments:
Monica,
I should’ve known…you’re more serious about coffee than me! I’m too lazy to roast my own beans, though for a season, we ground them.
LOVE your graphic–absolutely hilarious and spot on for rabid coffee drinkers :). And re: the church thing? I bring my own from home; when it gets cold, I pretend iced coffee is okay, too.
Think I’ll stumble you for even MORE insanity!
Robin ~ PENSIEVEs last blog post.."Your mom likes to take artistic pictures, doesn’t she?"
10.27.08 at 1:32 pm
L.L. Barkat comments:
Love the graph. Too funny.
I’m still a tea gal. Green. In the afternoon, under the pine.
L.L. Barkats last blog post..Writers Have to Choose
10.27.08 at 1:55 pm
Monica Brand comments:
Robin,
I’m just as lazy as you; it’s my hubs who buys, roasts and stores the coffee. The man is obsessed, I tell you. Me? I LOVE obsessed.
10.27.08 at 3:30 pm
Marcus Goodyear comments:
I’m both a coffee lover and a coffee snob. If money were no object, I’d be a total snob. But I’ve gone months on Folgers too.
Lately, I’ve been grinding fresh beans every morning. The idea of roasting my own sounds good, that’s for sure.
The real evidence of my snobbery, though, lies in the fact that Ramblin Dan and I leave 30 minutes early for every meeting in San Antonio–just so we can stop at our favorite coffee shop there: Wildfire Coffee Roasters.
I think they will probably still be making coffee in heaven.
Marcus Goodyears last blog post..The Art of Editing Feeds
10.27.08 at 6:47 pm
feener comments:
i have had coffee post in my head for a long time now. i am an ice t drinker and i have sipped coffee by accident and hate it. hubby is a coffee lover. his addiction has caused some problems. having to stop before during and after any trip we take. dragging around on the weekend b/c he needs more coffee. UGH. i talked with a friend about it and she had said she would prefer to marry out of her religion than marry someone who didn’t share her addiction to coffee.
feeners last blog post..Sensory Processing Disorder
10.27.08 at 8:46 pm
Monica Brand comments:
Yup, we coffee drinkers are serious about our java. Feener, you just need to have a decent cup made for you, then I’m sure you’ll join us on the Dark Side.
Marcus… could we pass coffee making off as a spiritual gift??
10.27.08 at 8:53 pm
Colleen Felz, Homeschool Coach comments:
I am definitely a coffee snob, but I don’t roast our beans. Perhaps dh and I need to look into this coffee roasting thing…hmm…
10.27.08 at 9:09 pm
Monica Brand comments:
Yes! My first convert!
10.27.08 at 9:10 pm
Lynn Mosher comments:
Hey, Monica! Tea first thing in the AM. Warning…do not lay hands on my grinder and beans! I lo-v-e my fresh-ground hazelnut coffee mid-morning and afternoon, with half-and-half and a little sugar, thank you very much! However, when I’m sick, I want my tea! Fun post! Thanks!
lynnmosher’s last post…The Mic’s On!
Lynn Moshers last blog post..The Mic’s On!
10.27.08 at 11:26 pm
Satchel Pooch comments:
Coffee-making might not be a spiritual gift, but hospitality most definitely is!
Satchel Poochs last blog post..Maybe they’re McCain supporters
10.28.08 at 5:12 pm
Lavonda Pflug comments:
I’ve liked coffee ever since I was a little kid. When we visited my grandparents, my Grandad would swoop my sister and me out of the car the instant we arrived, carry us to the kitchen, sit us on the counter, and make all three of us a cup of (okay brace yourself) a cup of Folger’s instant with a LOT of sugar and evaporated milk. (I hope you didn’t faint.) It drove my mother crazy. Maybe that’s why he did it. Anyway, I developed a tast for it when I was young and I still like it. (though I lost my taste for it while pregnant) I now have problems with “the jitters” and not sleeping well so I have to drink the unleaded kind. It tastes nasty but I’ll still have a cup ever now and then. I wish I could make a good cup of coffee. Starbucks is great but I still have a strange liking for instant Folgers with lots of sugar and canned milk.
10.29.08 at 12:21 pm
Marianne comments:
Ha! You finally used the graphic! LOVE IT!
I’m seriously thinking of having it blown up into a poster and framing it for my kitchen.
While I love a spendy brew, I’m happy with Folgers et al via Kroger (and so’s my budget). I DO insist, however, on a coffee maker w/a thermal pot. Overcooked coffee is a big no-no!
Oh, and when I get a bit jittery from chugging too much java, I sip some Earl Grey or Constant Comment Tea instead.
Love me some caffeinated hot bevs!
11.3.08 at 1:53 am
Rick Dawson comments:
Coffee snob here. Jamaica Blue Mountain is the preferred drink in much the same way that scotch lovers argue over the merits of single malt versus blended, but I can slide all the way down the scale to Maxwell House, or even Luzianne if I’m getting desperate (again, much the same way an alcoholic will go from drinking high class hooch down to Pabst Blue Ribbon or [fill in your local watered-down barleypop here]).
Tes is also welcome, and I join with the chorus on the graphic!
Rick Dawsons last blog post..Lives In The Balance